Rick’s
Picks 2002/2003
It’s
that time of year again…when we all believe we have what it takes to hoist the
David Livingstone Memorial Trophy. We
at the ‘Picks certainly learned last season that it’s very difficult to
judge a team in October. What with
the lop-sided trades, back door deals, and ill advised re-draft picks flying
around, who the hell knows what everyone’s team will end up looking like!!
But, that being said, we’ve once again done our best to rank each of
the 14 HHL franchises, and put forward our predictions for who will rake in the
hardware this season. To change
things up, we’ve revised our outline of how we break teams down.
We hope you like it. Don’t
worry, we’ll still take a shot or two at everyone’s favourite pin
cushion…Teddy ‘Honest Officer, those aren’t my blackjack tables’ Kim.
Here we go boys, it’s time for HHL hockey!!
Rarr’s
Rage
Predicted
Finish: 1st
Over
the past 4 seasons, the Mighty Rage have finished 12th, 14th,
2nd and 12th. After
such a pathetic run, it is no wonder GM Wilson has finally assembled a
half-decent squad. But, here’s
giving credit where credit’s due…this may be the strongest team to ever
start a HHL season. If the injury
bug doesn’t jump up and bite his disappearing ass, we’re all playing for
second place.
On
the wall:
Pavel
Bure, Jaromir Jagr, Chris Drury, and Marian Hossa…with insurance from Justin
Williams. No bad, not bad at all.
Jamy looks like he’s poised for another run at the scoring title, while
everyone’s favourite commie has a great chance to re-gain the Rocket Richard
trophy. Plus, Chris Drury’s move
to Calgary actually looks to be helping his scoring numbers…just what we
needed!
Grade:
A+
Up
the middle:
Do
you know what we pray for every night…Scott Stevens.
Picture this…the Big E is flying down the wing…he cuts into the
middle of the ice losing the puck in his feet for a split second (Damn MSG ice
with all those @#$#@ circus shows), he tries to recover and lifts his head just
in time to see a red and black wall.
Nice image isn’t it. Too
bad the Rage also have that Mario guy.
Grade:
A
On
the back end:
Finally,
signs of weakness! Dan Boyle has
started faster than Buzz at an open bar wedding, but there’s no way he’s
going to last. Schneider, Johnsson
and Aucoin are solid but not spectacular. Once
again, here’s hoping for an injury or two.
Grade:
B
Between
the pipes:
Marty
Turco was a good gamble. If he
plays 65+ games, he’ll be a nice pick-up.
Ron Tugnutt has a tendency of taking over the #1 position however, no
matter what the situation, so time will tell on that pick.
On the negative, Blackburn was an awful pick.
He’s going to share duty on a shitty team.
Nice to see the old Stew rear his ugly head.
Grade:
C+
The
Liberals
Predicted
Finish: 2nd
Oh
how we hate doing this…we much prefer those years that GM Leeson stumbles out
of the gate with a less than average team, and is forced to simply cover up as
the verbal barrages rain down on him. But…this
season appears to be different. GM
Leeson, perhaps the most hated GM in the HHL, has put together a solid squad for
the 2002/2003 season. After posting
9th and 12th place finishes over the past two years,
Leeson guaranteed a playoff spot for this season, and it looks like he has the
team to back up his claim. Only
time will tell whether the fat man has what it takes, but unfortunately for us,
the gloating may prove to be unbearable if this team has staying power.
If he’s still in it at Christmas, please shoot me.
On
the wall:
Leeson
once again sports one of the stronger wing corps in the HHL.
They’re all Euro-flakes, but in today’s NHL, where hitting and
physical play is discouraged, this group of panty-wastes will excel.
The best of the bunch is young stud Marian Gaborik.
Pavol Demitra and Milan Hejduk will be strong 2 and 3’s, while Jan
‘the Man’ Hrdina and Krissy Huselius will try to hold down the fort through
4 and 5. Nice to see Peter Schaefer
doing so well in Ottawa…you’re sure earning that jake you supposedly
deserved. (0 points). Back to
Finland Petie!!
Grade:
A
Up
the middle:
This
group was looking pretty good, but with the injury to Jason Allison, Leeson is
in big trouble. Weight looks to be
rounding back into point a game form, but Jiri Dopita looks like a bust.
Evidently ‘the best player outside of the NHL’ should have stayed
there. Leeson must trade Allison if
he wants to make a run.
Grade:
C+
On
the back end:
Unlike
most HHL franchises, ‘ol Buzz has put together three solid D-men.
Poti was a brilliant pick up, while Sydor and Hamrlik will be solid.
Grade:
A
Between
the pipes:
Brent
Johnson was supposed to be Leeson’s ‘goalie of the future’.
Unfortunately, before that future could get out of the gate, Johnson got
hurt. Entering stage left was Jocy
Thibault…a goalie that was avoided on draft day like a vegetable platter at a
Leeson family BBQ. Time will tell
if he’s going to continue his acceptable point production, but we’re
guessing that to play with the big boys, GM Buzz will have to upgrade this
position.
Grade:
C+
Comox
Crunch
Predicted
Finish: 3rd
After
purchasing the old Dinosaur Neil franchise at the beginning of last season, GM
Denton used most of his first season to re-stock the shelves, and dump old
inventory. Out the door went chumps
like Jan Hrdina, Alexei Zhamnov, Cliff Ronning, and Josef Stumpel.
In the door came solid performers like Tony Amonte and Jeff O’Neil.
Plus, knowing that his assistant GM would be handling duties on Draft
Day, Denton also proceeded to stockpile a wack of draft picks…8 in total.
“Andreas is a .300 hitter at best, said Denton.
I knew that he’d screw up 3-4 picks (ie. Jordan Leopold, Val Bure etc.)
so I needed to provide him with some cushion.”
Sometimes, quantity does beat quality.
On
the wall:
Holy
wingers Batman! There are no
superstars amongst this group, but Peter Bondra is solid, as is Tony Amonte.
Alexander the Great is off to a great start, but you never know with
Pavel’s old buddy. Martin Havlat
is a great young talent, but it’s anyone’s guess if this is the year he
finally breaks out. Ray
Whitney also provides some nice depth. Shit, we almost forgot about young punk
Ilya Kovalchuk. He may be a cocky
bastard, but when you’re that good, who can blame him.
And to think, he only cost $31 million last season.
Half of the total Richie Stone paid for Jan ‘the man’ Hlavak.
Ouch.
Grade:
B+
Up
the middle:
Nothing
spectacular at center, but Robert Lang and Jeff O’Neil round out a very solid
group. If Andrew Cassels stays
healthy, he could also count.
Grade:
B+
On
the back end:
Ghast!
What a terrible d-crew. Derek
Morris is good, but what happens if he continues to suck the hind titty?
These guys stink. Lydman
sucks, Leopold got hurt in his first game, Stuart still isn’t signed, and
Salo’s a Canuck. Good thing
Denton has a zillion players, he’s gonna need them to make a few deals to fill
these holes.
Grade:
F
Between
the pipes:
Danny
Cloutier is a huge question mark. If
the Canucks go as we all hope they will, he’s going to be fine.
That being said, they are the Canucks…The Bulin wall is a great tender,
but I’m not fooled by T Bay’s hot start.
They’re the Korean Assassins of the NHL, and the hockey gods will never
let them win.
Grade:
A-
The
Spanish Bitches
Predicted
Finish: 4th
After
the ‘Top 3’, it’s a bit of a crap-shoot.
Under that situation, we’ll return to an old standby.
The Bitches always look like a Yugo in October and November, but come
April, they often sprout into a Mercedes. HHL
GM’s always get all over Dynasty GM Rick ‘The Bastard’ Ramsbottom for his
lopsided trades down the stretch, but really, they should be watching the Bitch.
Getting Nabokov and Amonte for Gagne and that bum Cechmanek won him the
pool last year. After 3
titles in 4 years, you can never count this guy out, and although his crew of
superstars have long since departed, the reigning champ certainly has enough
left to make the playoffs and if the trade winds are right, maybe make a run at
yet another title.
On
the wall:
When
the bidding on John LeClair began, most HHL owners avoided him like Commissioner
Livingstone at a Turkish Bath House. If
it weren’t for the Dynasty, Garcia probably would have been able to sign big
John for $15 million. Even at $35
M, the Bitch got a good deal. The
bad back is history, and LeClair is back at the top of the scoring charts.
Rounding out the group is young stud Dany Heatley, and veterans Brendan
Shanahan, Daniel Alfredsson, and the ageless Cliffy Ronning.
Grade:
A
Up
the middle:
The
major weakness for this team is on the dot.
Alexei Ya$hin is off to a slow start, but should recover to post another
70+ point season. After Mr. Holdout
however, there’s no sure thing. Joe
Nieuwendyk is a great player over short spurts (ie. The Olympics), but he’s
too old to be a factor over a full season.
Pavel Datsyuk is an unproven performer who has never scored at any level
of professional hockey. Dean
McCammond was a terrible pick! He’s
already out indefinitely with a back injury.
Not that he would have scored even if he did stay healthy.
Boo on you Jose, you should have known better!
Grade:
C
On
the back end:
Solid
and average. Numminen and Niinimaa
have great names, but are average scorers.
Sean Hill may blossom again in Carolina, but then again, he could strike
out like Buzz at the Roxy…on a night with 8 stagetts!
Jeff Jillson was a waste of a pick.
Double boo.
Grade:
C+
Between
the pipes:
Thank
goodness for those shitty San Jose back-ups.
Mr. Nabokov is back, but San Jose still isn’t firing on all cylinders.
Time will tell if missing both training camp, and the pre-season will hurt this
young star. A trade may prove
necessary to upgrade this position.
Grade:
B
Barney
Softcore
Predicted
Finish: 5th
The
move to Mississippi has done little to help this weak franchise.
After finishing 3rd overall in the 1998/99 season, the King of
soft porn has racked up finishes of 9th, 12th, and 7th.
Very disappointing for a guy from the bomb squad!
Off the ice, the joy of landing a HHL franchise has finally left the deep
South, and fans are staying away in droves.
No wacky promotion that GM Hodgson tried has worked.
Free tickets for brothers from another mother, lap dances for Daddy,
post-game porn shows, bobblehead blow up dolls…nothing has worked!
The Season Ticket base has dwindled to 57, and now only the Korean
Assassins have a worse base. This
year’s ‘Core is once again solid, but unspectacular.
They’ll make the playoffs…but that’s it.
On
the wall:
Todd
Bertuzzi and Brendan Morrison make up 2/3 of the West Coast Express, and they
should lead the ‘Core in scoring. Teemu
Selanne won’t likely score 100+ points again, but he’s still a great player
who will push 70-75 points for the next few years.
After that…don’t bother looking.
A more horrendous collection of stiffs I have never seen, and to
think...the Softcore paid $36 million for Danius Zubrus!!
Grade:
B+
Up
the middle:
It
took $70+ million back in 1999, but was Joe Thornton ever worth the investment!
He’s slowly progressing into the next great young center and will push
85 points this season. Unfortunately,
after big Joe, there’s not much else. Petr
Nedved and Michael Nylander are as soft as they come, and suck to boot. Next!
Grade:
C+
On
the back end:
Here
lies the strength of this team. GM
Hodgson has always believed in having a strong defence, and this year is no
exception. Sergei Zubov has been a
‘Core stalwart, and should put up solid numbers again this season, especially
with a more offensively motivated Dallas team.
Al MacInnis is older than god, but he’s still got a better slapshot
than the big guy. Oleg Tverdovsky
is in the prime of his career, and should score well, even in New Jersey.
Grade:
A
Between
the pipes:
Crazy
Eddie is now a Maple Leaf. Many
predicted that the Eagle will either lead the Leafs to the playoffs, or be the
reason why they miss. So far, it
looks like the later…oh well, at least GM Hodgson has a drinking partner.
Grade:
C-
The
Dynasty
Predicted
Finish: 6th
Although
the HHL’s most storied franchise has had a nice run over the past three
seasons (2nd in 2002, 4th in 2001, and 1st in
2000, plus two trips to the Hamber Cup Finals) the Dynasty no longer strikes
fear into their opponents. GM
Ramsbottom has gutted his farm system (aka the Korean Assassins), and at this
past HHL Draft, the team barely had enough picks to field a complete roster.
This season may be a turning point for the once proud Dynasty.
If the team stumbles upon any more injuries, the quest for another David
Livingstone Trophy may be over in a hurry.
On
the wall:
Keith
Tkachuk was off to a great start when breaking a bone in his foot.
In typical Dynasty fashion, GM Ramsbottom wasted no time in starting to
shop the power forward around the league. “He’s
only out for 4-6 weeks, but that’s too long in my books, explained Ramsbottom.
We need points, and we need them now.
If Keith can’t lace them up, we’ll trade for somebody that can!”
The rest of the wing corps is average.
Adam Deadmarsh is off to a nice start, but free agent acquisition Shane
Doan has just 7 points in his first 12 games.
Luc Robitaille, also signed as a free agent, was a huge mistake.
“I wanted Tom Poti for my 4th free agent spot, explained
Ramsbottom. I only had $10 million
of cap room left and I was hoping I could wait around until the last 2-3 teams.
Unfortunately, no one else bid on Lucky and I got stuck with him.
Oh well, at least he’s got a hot wife.
Grade:
C+
Up
the middle:
With
Mats Sundin, Mike Modano, and Ron Francis, the Dynasty are extremely strong at
center. Good thing too because
they’re extremely shaky everywhere else.
From early accounts, Steve Reinprecht appears to be one of the biggest
busts of this year’s free agent pool. Yet
another dark horse gone bad for the Bastard.
Grade:
A+
On
the back end:
Nicklas
Lidstrom is the best d-men in the HHL, NHL, OBHL, and any other league you care
to join. “He’s so good he
should count for two d-spots”, pleaded Ramsbottom.
In looking at who else he has back here, you can see why!
Chris Chelios is a 100 years old and will score 35-40 points at best.
Picking up Dan McGillis must have reminded GM Ramsbottom of a past
Halloween night…great from a far, but far from good.
A very shitty pick. Speaking
of shitty picks…has anyone seen or heard from Fredrik Olausson?
Grade:
C+
Between
the pipes:
If
Edmonton can score some @#$#@$ goals, Tommy Salo will be fine.
If however, he’s in a 3-2, 2-1 battle every night, he could start to
wear down. If Salo folds, so goes
the Dynasty because GM Ramsbottom just doesn’t have enough assets to fill all
those potential holes…then again…damn we forgot, Teddy’s got no one!!
Grade:
C
Predicted
Finish: 7th
With
the talent on this team, we probably should be predicting a higher finish for
this year’s Foundation…but GM Woo is such a pussy, he’ll never make the
trade he needs to put his team over the top.
The Foundation’s lack of activity over the past few trading deadlines
has been pathetic. Fans in hockey
mad Sardis are so pissed that they’ve cancelled their Coca Cola Ice Paks in
staggering numbers. In fact, fan
support has been so bad over the first month of the season that the Foundation
may be on the move…to the hockey hotbed of Richmond!
What a perfect setting for this second rate franchise, a swamp where
eventually, everything will sink into the sea.
On
the wall:
Bill
Guerin and Anson Carter are both off to nice starts.
Brian Rolston was slow out of the gate, but he’s starting to pick it up
now and should prove to be a solid #2 or #3.
After that, the Foundation is in a bit of trouble.
Brett Hull may still score 30 goals, but no more than 55 points.
Mark Bell is a waste, and who the hell would pick Martin Lapointe after
his performance last season…oh yeah, I guess that was us.
Sorry Woo!
Grade:
B
Up
the middle:
Sergei’s
lost Anna, but it hasn’t effected his play.
With Stevie Y’s absence, he’s taking full advantage of the extra PP
time. Jeremy Roenick is also off to
a nice start, and even under Coach Hitch, he may be in for a breakout season.
Jozef Stumpel has 9 points in 10 games, and should prove to be a solid
#3.
Grade:
A
On
the back end:
What’s
the matter with Rob Blake? This
workhorse is getting tons of PP time, but where are the points!?
If Robby can’t pick it up, this group could be in trouble because with
depth guys like Nick Boynton, Scott Niedermayer and young Jay Bouwmeester…you
get the idea. Big trouble in little
Chinatown.
Grade:
C
Between
the pipes:
Patrick
Roy.
A+
Predicted
Finish: 8th
Hey,
a playoff spot isn’t that far out of the question.
After just one season in the center of the hockey universe, GM Eth Ecto
Skellie is close to finishing a new 15,000 seat building in downtown Etobicoke,
and thanks to the sale of over 10,000 Ecto Paks, his Season Ticket base has
grown to over 13,000. The move to
Toronto has also helped to recruit some top quality talent.
“No offence, but playing your games in a barn just doesn’t cut it
these days, said one former Kevlar player. Nobody wanted to play out there.
Your uniform always stunk like shit, and the owner didn’t know squat
about hockey. Plus, after all that
talk about Spoongate, the guys were kind of nervous when Tyfting decided to join
us on the road for our games in Vegas. I’m
a short stocky guy, and I didn’t want to take any chances…if you know what I
mean.”
On
the wall:
Paul
Kariya looks to have finally snapped out of his scoring funk and could return to
the ‘Top 10’ in scoring this season. Unlike
Buzz’s furniture, Mark Recchi seems to get better with age, and Owen Nolan
should provide solid, if not spectacular scoring support.
Mike ‘Don’t call me Jason’ York and Freddy Modin will need to fill
both the #4 and #5 spot.
Grade:
B+
Up
the middle:
Lots
of questions on the dot. Pierre
Turgeon is softer than Homer’s boiler, and he still doesn’t seem comfortable
in Big D. Mike Comrie is a
superstar in the making, but Edmonton doesn’t seem to want to score more than
2 goals a game. The injury to Adam
Oates really hurts this group, not that he was scoring anyway.
Campbell River Rod is off to a great start, but will he continue at this
pace? Not likely.
Grade:
B-
On
the back end:
Big
problems back here. Phil
Housley’s older than dirt, but he’s the best guy Kevlar has.
That’s scary! What seems
to be a similar tune around the HHL, defensive depth is definitely at a premium.
Rudy Klesla is going to be great…in 2004/2005, Alexei Zhitnik is
finished, and Pavel Kubina, while off to a decent start, will fade quickly.
GM Tyfting would be well advised to make a trade to help fill some holes
in this area. No Ecto, nobody wants
Brad Isbister!
Grade:
C
Between
the pipes:
Ollie
the goalie is back for another year, but he’s already down with injury.
Yet another hole GM Ecto Skellie needs to fill.
Trade time.
Grade:
C+
Predicted
Finish: 9th
How
can a team with Peter Forsberg, Jarome Iginla, Vinny Lecavalier, and Curtis
Joseph miss the playoffs you ask? Let
us explain. Over the past 4
seasons, this joke of a franchise has finished
13th, 9th, 13th, and 10th…the
worst performance by any HHL team…even the Professor’s Assassins.
How GM Cole Reid has kept his job during this period is beyond me.
Reid once again performed miserably on Draft Day providing no depth in
the event that his top guys stumbled out of the gate.
Well…we’ve got some stumblin’ goin’ on, and with guys like JP
Dumont holding up the fort, it’s only a matter of time until this house of
cards crumbles once again.
On
the wall:
League
scoring champ Jarome Iginla is off to a slow start, but he should be OK.
After that, look out! Ryan
Smyth and underrated Miroslav Satan were being counted on to round out the Top
3, but both are off to below average starts.
If these two guys can’t turn things around in a hurry, Chaos is in big
trouble because the remainder of the wing corps consists of a collection of
bafoons ‘led’ by JP Dumont, Marco Sturm and Ruslan Fedotenko.
Grade:
C+
Up
the middle:
This
is the strength of the franchise. Peter
Forsberg is the best player in the world, and is finally healthy.
Vincent Lecavalier is off to a great start and is looking to rebound from
a disastrous 2001 where he demanded to be traded out of the Chaos 10 times.
“I can’t take it anymore, Vinny explained at the time.
Nobody deserves to be a Lightning and a Chaos all at the same time.
There’s only so much one man can take!” Brad
Richards, another Ning/Chaos member is a little less tempermental, and should be
a lock for another 60+ point season.
Grade:
B+
On
the back end:
Like
most other HHL teams this season, Team Chaos sucks on the point.
Timmonen and Redden should lead the group, but a trade or re-draft
selection is definitely needed to shore up the third position.
By the way Cole, what the hell were you thinking taking Chris Phillips?
Over the last five seasons, he has scored a TOTAL of 56 points!
To confirm…that’s not good.
Grade:
C
Between
the pipes:
Cujo
is the man. Cujo plays in Detroit.
Grade:
A
Predicted
Finish: 10th
What’s
with these guys and injuries! Samsonov
is down, as was Ziggy. Radek Bonk
is out too, and Saku Koivu’s had his first of what will surely be a steady
stream of hurts. If this team could
just stay healthy, they’d have a shot at another money spot, but like the old
Greeks, the hockey gods are frowning on these expansion wiz kids.
No complaints from this writer though, the Flood’s co-GM’s have done
too well, too quickly and we need another door mat around!
On
the wall:
Love
this depth...if healthy! Samsonov,
Palffy, and Kovalev are all studs. Martin
St. Louis is mighty mouse on skates and Radim Vrbata has been given the
opportunity to step up with the departure of Chris Drury.
Nice work signing Donald Audette though.
We can’t believe you actually forked out $10 M for that frog bum.
Grade:
A if healthy…C+ otherwise
Up
the middle:
More
problems for the Tri-Cities. The
countdown is on for Saku Koivu…you know he’s going down with another injury,
it’s just a matter of when. Radek
Bonk is a pussy, and hurt again. Marc
Savard can’t decide if he wants to play or not.
Trades needed…quickly!
Grade:
C
On
the back end:
The
Flood have one of the best d-corps in the entire HHL.
Brian Leetch will continue to score, regardless of whether the Rangers
win or not. Jovo is no rocket
scientist, but who cares, the kid can play!
Eric Desjardins sucked the hind tit last year, but he looks like a man
re-born. Bryan McCabe on the other
hand…what did we tell you Flooders…beware of Robert Svehla.
Damn we hate it when we’re right!
Grade:
A
Between
the pipes:
After
the trade of Jani Herme, Patrick Lalime should actually play more than 65 games
this season. That should translate
into more regular season points. Unfortunately,
as he will never play beyond the second round, the Flood will be golfing early
again this season.
Grade:
B-
The
Greeks
Predicted
Finish: 11th
Yep,
we’re predicting a big fall for the Mighty Greeks.
Like the Dynasty and Bitches, the Greeks have been very solid over the
past few years posting finishes of 2nd and 3rd…great
seasons…close but no fudgeeo. This
year, Pringle duck hooked out of the gate with early ‘injuries’ to Theo
Fleury and Sean Burke. And despite
nice starts by some of his guys, GM Pringle will be hitting the links earlier
than expected this spring.
On
the wall:
Hey,
don’t get us wrong. There is some
talent here. Markus Naslund is a stud, and Aleksey Morozov may ride Mario’s
coat-tales all the way to an 80+ point season.
That being said, Andrew Brunette will slow down, as will/has Darcy
Tucker. Trading Fleury may help,
but who in their right mind would give Pringle anything of value for this
problem child?
Grade:
Par
Up
the middle:
Joe
Sakic anchors this group, and while off to a slow start for his standards,
Burnaby Joe has been playing much better lately.
After Joe, pick your pastry. Alexei
Zhamnov may score, but he’s the biggest flake in the league.
Vinny Damphousse has been great for the Sharks in past years, and despite
scoring at almost point a game pace in the first 10 games, we don’t have a lot
of confidence about his staying power.
Grade:
Par…only because Joe smoked a 300 drive!
On
the back end:
Sergei
Gonchar has been one of the best over the past few years, but he hasn’t been
great early. He’ll pick it up,
but by how much? The rest of this
crew is a waste of time. Danny
Markov had an out of body experience last season and will return to 20-25 point
territory. Franky Kaberle…gimme a
break. He’s never scored, and
never will score. He could be the
worst pick of the draft!
Grade:
Bogey
Between
the pipes:
Burke
is great…when healthy. Trade/re-draft
needed.
Grade:
Double bogey
Predicted
Finish: 12th
What
happened to the 5 year plan? Was last season’s 6th place finish the
climax of the brilliant strategy? Well…at
least unlike your mentor, you did actually make the playoffs once.
That playoff position will not be repeated this year though as GM Stone
was done in by the draft day performance of Commissioner Livingstone.
From a scribbled list of suggestions, Livingstone proceeded to collect a
ridiculous group of has-beens, and never will be’s.
Better luck next year, and thanks for the donation.
On
the wall:
Simon
Gagne is a great player and should be scoring better than he is.
Glen Murray isn’t bad, but after that, it’s a crapshoot.
Not enough depth, and not enough talent.
Grade:
C+
Up
the middle:
Ouch.
How many guys can underachieve at once!
Patrick Marleau teases everyone each Spring, only to bust every Fall.
The Timmins Tornado Steve Sullivan is also off to a rough start, as is
young Daniele Briere. Even Calgary
Flame star Craig Conroy has been a disappointment.
Lots of depth here, but once again, not enough talent.
Grade:
C+
On
the back end:
We
hate Patrice Brisebois! Maybe
it’s because he was a Greeks stalwart for all those years, or maybe it’s
just because he sucks. Either way,
he’s not someone you want anchoring your d-corps. Sandis Ozolinsh is a great
offensive defensiveman…on any team other than Florida.
Iron Mike is preaching defence first in Miami, so Ozo’s scoring is
going to really suffer. After these
two guys, it only gets worse so don’t waste your time.
Grade:
C
Between
the pipes:
Roman
Czechmanek is 32 years old. 32 Mr.
Stone, not 23. You might want to
check on minor details like that the next time you make a major deal.
Just a suggestion…
Grade:
C+
Walli’s
Jets
Predicted
Finish: 13th
Treats,
you cheap bastard. The Lou
Lamarillo of the HHL is as stingy as they come.
Strangely, when he did decide to crack the vault, he spent $46 million on
an unproven rookie. The years of
mismanagement has finally caught up with this legal eagle, and a dead last
finish will only be avoided because the HHL features the most inept General
Manager known to man. Regardless,
get your extra cash ready Walli, you’ll be dolling out an extra $15 bones next
September! On a positive note,
that’s only like 75 cents American.
On
the wall:
Great
talent here, but WOW are they ever shitting the bed!
Sykora, Elias, Kapanen and Zetterberg…and no one with over 7 points.
It’s time to shake things up Walter.
Grade:
C
Up
the middle:
Yanic
Perrault, Daymond Langkow, and Petr Cajanek?
This is the collection of stiffs GM Walli expected to use to challenge
for his first title? Our good
friend Walli may be the brightest mind in the HHL, but when it comes to judging
talent, he ranks right up there with Judge Judy.
Grade:
D
On
the back end:
Amazingly,
this group isn’t all that bad. Jaroslav
Spacek is scoring at a point a game pace, while Andy Delmore and Jaroslav Modry
have both scored fairly consistently. If
Brian Rafalski can get his act together, this will be a very solid group.
Too bad they’re efforts will be wasted.
Grade:
B
Between
the pipes:
Martin
Brodeur will again be the foundation for this squad.
But why do you need a solid concrete foundation, when the house is made
of match sticks?
Grade:
A
Predicted
Finish: Dead Last
Some
things never change. The Federal
Government wastes our money with worthless programs that don’t work, gas is
too expensive, there’s never anything good on television, and the Korean
Assassins are once again the joke of the HHL.
How is it possible to be this bad for this long?
After years of terrible finishes, you would think GM Kim would finally be
able to collect a nice core 6. Hell,
TK doesn’t even have a nice core 2! The
worst General Manager in hockey pool history may have outdone himself this year
as we’re predicting that this season’s winning team will DOUBLE the
Assassins point total by the end of the year. Impossible you say?
Think again. We are talking
about the guy who traded for Jan Hlavac, the guy who protected Marius
Czerkawski, the guy who is the anti-King Midas…whatever he touches, turns to
crap! Trade for Chris Pronger, he
suffers a season-ending injury…trade for Martin Straka, he suffers TWO season
ending injuries…trade for Jose Theodore, the reighing Vezina and Hart trophy
winner, he posts a 4.5 GAA! Somewhere
the hurting must stop…but not this season.
On
the wall:
When
Jere Lehtinen is your best, you’ve got troubles.
Forget it…I don’t even want to think about the rest of these guys.
Grade:
D
Up
the middle:
Five
guys, (Stefan, Gomez, Primeau, Tanguay, and Arnott) all solid, but as soon as
they throw on that Assassins jersey, it’s like a shot through the heart.
Arnott’s already missed 10 games, while Tanguay has pulled a
disappearing act that would make David Copperfield proud.
Grade:
D+
On
the back end:
Not
bad considering. Kaberle is solid,
and Andrei Markov appears to be rounding into form.
Chris Pronger is obviously a great player, but who knows when, or if,
he’ll ever play again. Mark my
words, if any of these guys continue to perform well, GM Kim will trade him for
50 bucks.
Grade:
B
Between
the pipes:
Theodore
plays amazing. Theodore wins the
Vezina and Hart trophies. Theodore
gets traded to the Assassins. Theodore
becomes siv. Theodore gets benched.
Poor Theodore.
Grade:
C+
Finis.