Now that the Dynasty has returned to its rightful place near the top of the HHL standings, it gives me great pleasure to present Rick’s Picks 2007. We will once again try to predict how the HHL season will play out, and what franchise will have the honour of hoisting the David Livingstone Memorial Trophy.
Now, this task is not without its challenges. While historically, we tend to get more right than wrong, HHL GM’s certainly make it difficult to predict how a season will unfold. Each season for example, the Rage always seem able to convince one of the Cranbrookians to part with bushels of talent, in exchange for a plate of Nick’s ravioli. Teddy “The Professor” Kim is usually good for at least one good head scratcher a year, as is the recently relocated Kevlar.
In spite of these challenges, we have once again stepped into the darkness to cast a light on the season that awaits us (3/4 of it anyway). So, without any further useless rambling, ladies and gentleman, Rick’s Picks 2007!
The Dynasty
Predicted Finish: 1st
The Big Picture:
Curse be damned! 2007 will mark the return of the King. For the first time since 2000, the Dynasty will raise the David Livingstone Memorial Trophy. Some of you might ask if we’re worried about the dreaded Rick’s Picks curse? After all, only the Crunch in 2005/2006 have bucked the so-called curse. Yes we’re worried, but who cares. The Dynasty has already overcome a curse by Pringle, so what’s one more to worry about. In building this year’s squad, the Dynasty went back to the basics that won the storied franchise four titles in a row in the mid 90’s – load up on forwards, make sure you have a Top 5 goalie, and take one young sleeper that has the potential to go big. After sinking deeper than Woo’s league fees tab, the Dynasty is back baby and how can’t you love that!
Best Addition:
Patrick Kane has started off his rookie season faster than Commissioner Livingstone at a 65+ singles banquet. Kane isn’t much taller than our beloved Commissioner, but he’s faster than a Teddy Kim getaway car. He’s leading the NHL in rookie scoring, and is providing another big gun on what is definitely the deepest wing corps in the entire HHL. An honorable mention goes to Cory Stillman, who for a measly 4 bones is currently in the Top 10 in league scoring. See Pringle, you can be a pro athlete even if you’re small and slow.
Worst Addition:
Many of you will want to put Milan Michalek in this slot. And who could blame you? For $100M, you’d like to see more than 9 stinkin’ points! We’re not ready to throw Michaelek under the bus quite yet though. If/when Ron Wilson finally gets canned, Michalek will tear it up, and should surpass 65 points again. Not bad when you consider he’s still just 23. There will be no free pass granted to the big pickle Marc-Edourd Vlasic however. Despite playing half of most games, he scores about as often as Johnathan Cheechoo! Just brutal. At least the hole on defence will allow the Dynasty to jump up the standings after the re-draft.
Comox Crunch
Predicted Finish: 2nd
The Big Picture:
For the third year in a row, we almost picked the Crunch to win it all. As has been typical of the past few years, the Crunch have stormed out of the gate faster than Olympic Opening Ceremony tickets first appeared on eBay! Now, this is not the Crunch of old. The super stars of the past including Danny Alfredsson, Ilya Kovalchuk, Joe Thornton, and Nick Lidstrom are back, but the supporting cast leaves something to be desired. Can Joffrey Lupul, Jason Arnott, and Cam Ward provide enough back-up power to lead the Crunch to another victory? And unlike past years, this total lack of depth will make it difficult for the Crunch to pull off that key deal. Does anyone really want Phil “how can I be this fast and this fat at the same time” Kessel? Time will tell.
Best Addition:
How would you feel about walking into the Roxy, and realizing that Buzz is the only wingman available? You’d feel about the same way Mats Sundin has felt over the past few years. Come on Fergie, give the guy some help! The best winger he’s had in the past decade has been Gary Roberts. This year isn’t a lot different, although Sundin is continuing to defy the odds. The Crunch did pay a hefty price for him…almost the cost of the aforementioned Opening Ceremony tickets, but he’s still by far the best Crunch addition in some time. Question…wouldn’t Sundin look good right now as a Jet? Honorary mention goes to Joffrey Lupul. Lupul was shown the door in Edmonton faster than Buzz at an all you can eat buffet. He seems to have turned the corner in the City of Brotherly Love, and needs to continue his pace as he’s definitely needed on the thin Crunch wing.
Worst Addition:
Adding Sergei Samsonov to your lineup is about as helpful as Homer Pringle making the switch to turkey bacon. This guy is done. Early in his career he had promise, but now, he’s a bum like no other. A cancer in the dressing room, and a tumor on the ice, this guy will never have a comeback year. He’s no sleeper. He’s a coma.
The Spanish Bitches
Predicted Finish: 3rd
The Big Picture:
After the big two, it’s a real toss-up. Just like last year though, we’re slotting the Bitches in the three hole. With Dany Heatley, Marian Hossa, Chris Pronger, and the recently acquired Mike Cammalleri, the Spaniards have the high-end talent to make some waves. With Alice Hemsky as the fourth winger, and a collection of stiffs masquerading as a third defenceman, the squad has some holes to fill, but the building blocks are definitely here.
Best Addition:
No question in this spot. Mike Cammalleri cost Jose more than his collection of Magic cards, but he’s one of the few big dollar free agents that is actually paying dividends. He’s quick, shifty, and should be a solid point producer for years to come.
Worst Addition:
Wow, we’ve surprisingly got a whole load to pick from here. Bitches GM Gomez-Garcia is usually solid on draft day, but with no Flyers (or former Flyers) in the picture, he seemed lost. If we have to choose one, we’ll take Jiri Hudler. The guy has never topped 25 points, and has absolutely no upside potential. Jose might as well have taken Bobby Clarke with this pick…at least Clarkie is entertaining.
The Ancient Greeks
Predicted Finish: 4th
The Big Picture:
We’re not going to be fooled this year. Despite a roster that looks more like Plato than Alexander, the Ancient Greeks should never be written off. They shouldn’t be counted on to win anything either mind you, but they will be a solid playoff team. The group from Gibson’s is once again powered by a solid crew of geriatrics including Burnaby Joe Sakic, Dominic Hasek, Rod “The Bod” Brind’Amour, and Kimmo Timonen. Add to this list Mighty Martin St. Louis and you’ve got a solid start. The Gibson’s faithful remain restless however, lying awake at night waiting for a real Championship. With yet another close but no cigar season in 06/07, Pringle must continue to keep Gibson fans in a fog of promises and free rounds of golf. Speaking of cigars, Pringle’s brilliant promotion this year is to hand out free “Gibson’s cigars” to the first 5,000 fans attending the Greeks vs. Woo Foundation game December 6. Not a bad plan…how else could you get someone to pay to watch the Foundation!
Best Addition:
If in doubt, take a kid. That must have been Homer’s thinking when he selected Kyle Turris. Turris won’t play in the NHL until 2010 ™, but hey, at least he didn’t take Johnathan Cheecho.
Worst Addition:
Scott Hartnell is a solid two way player, but as we like to remind General Managers from time to time, the objective in this pool is SCORING! We couldn’t give a rats ass if a player even crosses his own blue line and can’t skate backwards. Hartnell will never score, and this was a waste of a pick. Honorable mention goes to one Mason Raymond. There’s no bigger Canucks sucker on the West Coast than GM Homer Pringle. A few good reports out of training camp, and this youngster flew up Pringle’s depth charts…the only thing missing was a spirited claim that Raymond would win the rookie of the year! You would think that after a decade of Norris trophy-less years by Jerky Lumme, Pringle would wise up.
Tri-City Flood
Predicted Finish: 5th
The Big Picture:
The Flood is looking to make a big jump up the standings after finishing dead last in 2006. Alexander the Great is still leading the charge in the Tri-Cities, but now he finally has a supporting cast. Enter an inspired Alex Kovalev, the man-child Dion Phaneuf and young centers Anze Kopitar and Johnathan Toews. Finally, some legit young talent to build around. However, despite the injection of talent, there is still a great deal of controversy swirling around Coquitlam Centre these days. In an effort to re-fill the coffers of this beleaguered franchise, each mayor in the Tri-Cities approved a one-time tax increase of 2% with all proceeds going to everyone’s favourite HHL franchise. With great glee, General Manager Chris Fetterly trumpeted how the dollars would not go to waste, and would be spent wisely to return the once proud franchise to its former days of glory. Unfortunately for all involved, the $116M in tax dollars…revenues raised off the backs of the hard working folks in the Tri-Cities, were wasted on a has been winger named Johnathan Cheechoo. Fighting the urge for the first public hanging in the Poco Village Square in 150 years, the townsfolk have agreed to give Fetterly the season to prove his move wasn’t a mistake. Here’s hoping a trip to the playoffs will distract the faithful long enough for Fetterly to skip town.
Best Addition:
Johnathan Toews was a no-brainer, and should be a core Flooder for many years. He’s got great wheels, a great shot, and poise beyond his years.
Worst Addition:
Johnathan Cheechoo’s star has fallen faster than the US greenback. Playing with Big Joe Thornton, you would think even Woo Marchand could pot 40 goals. At his current pace, Fetterly will pay Cheecho $5M a point. Ouch.
Rarr’s Rage
Predicted Finish: 6th
The Big Picture:
The Dark Lord of Dump will not repeat as HHL Champion, but he has enough talent to stay in the mix for a while. As always, you just never know where this team will end up. There is never any middle ground for the black sheep of the HHL. If injuries hit some of their key stars, the Rage will dump. If he stays in the fold however, you can always expect another one of those lop-sided trades with a member of the Cranbrook connection. Hell, trading water for wine would be nothing for Wilson. In addition to the wine, Chaos would probably throw in the bread too!
Best Addition:
To be honest, we’re not a fan of any of GM Wilson’s off-season additions. Petr Sykora may prove to be a decent winger, but he’s been so streaky the last few years, we just don’t like the pick. GM Wilson once again choked on draft day, reminding one and all of a modern day Mel Bridgeman.
Worst Addition:
Where do we start? Working on four hours sleep, GM Wilson proved yet again he may be the worst GM on draft day. He spent $40M to match two-way star Chris Drury, and then moved on to add defensive stalwarts Keith Ballard and Paul Mara who at our time of writing have a combined 9 points! How can we not mention Marco Sturm though. Except for his “breakout” season of 59 points, this Kraut has never broken 50 points. Why do people keep taking this guy! The odds of him breaking 60 points and becoming somewhat useful are about as good as Homer Pringle gracing the cover of Pumped.
KEVLAR
Predicted Finish: 7th
Out of the Gate:
How is it possible for a team with centers that include Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, and Michael Nylander to finish outside the Top 5!? When the rest of your team sucks, that’s how. The downward spiral started when GM Tyfting shipped out current and future superstar Jason Spezza for a collection of stiffs LED by Markus Naslund! Can you imagine a team that could have included Crosby, Malkin and Spezza at center??!! Kevlar has made many questionable trades in the franchise’s history, but this may have been the topper. Usually when Buzz places a call to another GM with a ridiculously lopsided trade offer, the other GM hangs up…a hint for next time Ecto.
Best Addition:
Do we have to pick someone? The new additions this off-season are so unspectacular it’s scary. Evidently showing up at the Draft in person can only hurt. Seriously, every d-man has less than 10 points, the only wingers worth speaking of were here before, and hell, there isn’t even a promising rookie to talk about. The best addition Ecto will make this year is a goalie to replace Ray Emery’s colossal 4 points.
Worst Addition:
Ahhh, this is easier. Lots to choose from. Paying what he did for Eric Cole was certainly ill advised considering his injury history…surprise, surprise he’s hurt again by the way. Believing the hype on Michelle Oullet’s move to Tampa is also worth a double boo. Here’s hoping Kevlar’s beloved bedmate Commissioner David Livingstone grants some special mulligan award so Kevlar can take an extra player just for fun prior to the re-draft. And to think….this is the evaluation for a team that should finish in the playoffs…just wait til I get to Woo!
Korean Assassins
Predicted Finish: 8th
The Big Picture:
The 8th and final playoff spot will go to the Professor Theodore Kim. With the exception of Roberto Luongo, this team is steeped in mediocrity. The only positive to the Assassins collection of talent is that they’re finally starting to feature players the Dynasty may again be interested in. Speaking of the Dynasty, the big wild card with this group is that bone-headed trade you know is just around the corner. That trade that drives Stew crazy, makes Jose cry for an investigation, and the Commissioner laugh with glee. We all know it’s coming, the question is, who will be the Professor’s dance partner?
Best Addition:
While totally unspectacular, the addition of Mikko Koivu was a decent pick-up (until getting chopped by Ohlund that is). For $11M, the Assassins added a legitimate #3 centre that could challenge for 65-70 points. Now again, this is no stroke of genius by any means, but considering the past free agent signings by GM Kim (see Nelson Emerson, Petr Klima), Koivu is not half bad (even on one leg).
Worst Addition:
Someone please tell me how you can take Raffi Torres in a pool that rewards points! Granted, Raffi has improved over the years, now getting the opportunity to dump and chase on penalty shots instead of just in game action (for you out of towners, see the shootout highlights from Nov. 14). But seriously folks, this guy could be the worst pick of the draft.
Predicted Finish: 9th
The Big Picture:
Finishing just out of the playoffs this year will be everyone’s favourite soft porn advocate. This team could very well squeeze into the playoffs as they are one of the few squads to actually have a defenceman or two that can score. Next to the Crunch’s combo of Lidstrom and Gonchar, the Core’s Zubov and Kaberle duo are the best in the league. Unfortunately, with the exception of Paul Stastny, the high level talent doesn’t extend to the boys up front. Now speaking of Stastny, how the hell did he last to pick number 10 or whenever Barney took him in last year’s redraft??!! It’s a shame GM Hodgson was unable to add any notable talent around him to make showing up for Core games worthwhile. Evidently, Hodgson is going to continue to rely on his goofy, whacked out promotions to drive people into the building every night instead of building a consistent winner. Speaking of the goofy promotions, this year’s feature is all you can drink moonshine night…with a special post-game concert by Britney Spears. Poor Britney, you know it’s bad when this is the best gig you can get, and GM Hodgson doesn’t want to put you on stage until after the entire crowd is wasted.
Best Addition:
Robert Lang may have stunk like a GM Place shitter last season in Detroit, but this year, he’s hotter than Tom Brady’s latest arm candy. He’s fitting in well with the young guns in Chicago and may actually be able to keep up his point a game pace. Then again, he’ll probably get hurt and finish with 50, but one can always hope.
Worst Addition:
OK, instead of talking about additions in this slot, we’re going to focus our efforts on subtraction. How can you not protect Mike Cammalleri?!! This kid is the real deal and based on the $118M he signed for as a free agent, everyone with the exception of GM Hodgson seemed to realize it. Even Cheechoo is a head scratcher because in spite of his awful start to the season, he too attracted enormous interest on the free agent market ($116M of hard earned Tri-City tax dollars). Now, I could maybe understand if Alabama was the land of HHL riches and there wasn’t enough protectable spaces to go around, but to instead choose Andrew Brunette and Slava Kozlov is just bizarre. The worst addition by the way is Josef Stumpel who is more spineless than Stephan Dion! I hate this guy more than Vancouver City Council and anyone even mentioning his named should be banned for a decade.
The Krew (we’re keeping this politically correct so we don’t get a letter to the editor from Pringle…and by the way, who is this Kurgen guy anyway?)
Predicted Finish: 10th
The Big Picture:
This team should be so much better than they are. With Vaclav Prospal and Marian Gaborik on the wing, Brian Rafalski and Bryan McCabe on defence, Hank Sedin at center and Marc-Andre Fleury between the pipes they should be a lock for the playoffs. Unfortunately, with the exception of Prospal and Rafalski, all of the supposed stars are under performing. Add that to the embarrassing performance on draft day which only served to put salt in the wounds. It’s going to be another long season for the Krew and their politically sensitive fans.
Best Addition:
For most HHL GM’s, center Shawn Horcoff was about as far down the draft list as Buzz at a speed dating party. He had an incredibly disappointing year last season, and with the meager collection of talent in Edmonton, how could anyone hope for an improvement? Somehow, Horcoff has turned things around though, and while we’re not totally fooled by his brilliant start, the potential is there for a decent 60-65 point season. Honorable mention goes to Erik Johnson. GM Mark Elliott paid a hefty price to snag the #2 pick in the draft, but picking Johnson is a good long-term gamble.
Worst Addition:
Mark Recchi is older than dirt, and it looks like father time has finally caught up to him. Recchi has lost so many steps that he now makes Homer Pringle look deceptively quick. Recchi is also now off the Crosby line which means he’s playing with stiffs. A great career is finally over.
Team Chaos
Predicted Finish: 11th
The Big Picture:
It may be surprising to many that over the past five years, Chaos has averaged a fifth place finish. Even though perception is that Chaos is always a joke, they have actually performed quite well. That being said, this sad sack of a franchise has never won a title of any kind, and this year will be no different. They will probably squeeze into the playoffs with Jiggy now healthy and playing every game, but who really cares! How does GM Reid keep his job??!! He’s like the David Poille of the HHL. As long as Reid is at the helm, this team will never win. Hell, he makes George Bush look like a strategic leader. Unfortunately, the Cranbrook faithful should once again be planning for an early start to the golf season.
Best Addition:
Martin Erat is never going to blow your skirt off, but he’s a decent pick-up for a measly $1M. His production is dependent on who he’s playing with, and so far, he’s cast his shadow on the right line.
Worst Addition:
Oh boy, do we have some doozies to work with here. How about the mighty Alexei Zhitnik with 2 points in 19 games. Or, you could question Marek Svatos…he of the monumental 8 points in 18 games. No, they would be too easy. We’re going to go with
Ryan Shannon. Like other Canuck fans, no one had really heard of this Ryan Shannon guy when he was thrust into the limelight in September. He could play with the Sedins said one media expert! He’s the speedster the Canucks have been waiting for cried another! Unfortunately, most of our local hockey “insiders” know as much about hockey as well…Cole Reid! If you’re counting at home by the way, Shannon has 5 points…in Manitoba.
Walli’s Jets
Predicted Finish: 12th
The Big Picture:
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. A team that many thought was built for the ages was so quickly torn apart that the Jets are a mere shadow of their former self. Young stars Eric Staal and Rick Nash were sent to the Dynasty in a bid to make a run at the title. In return the Jets received Keith McChuck (not protected), Scott Niedermayer (retired), and Mats Sundin (not matched as a RFA even though Walli has more cash than Bill Gates). There’s still tremendous high end talent with Henrik Zetterberg, Daniel Briere and Martin Brodeur, but the remaining core is so depleted that making the playoffs will be a stretch.
Best Addition:
Tomas Plekanec may or may not be a legit HHL player, but right now, he’s sure turning some heads. With 16 points in 19 games he’s not lighting the world on fire, but he has been consistent over those 19 games leading one to believe that he may actually have some staying power. With Nicklad Backstrom starting slower than Buzz at a cash bar wedding (yes, I’m using that line again), and Patrice Bergeron still feeling like he’s on cloud nine, Plekanec needs to continue his pace for the Jets to have a chance.
Worst Addition:
Last year it was Freddy Meyer, this year it’s Andrej Kostitsyn. Treats Walli is infamous for his love of young (aka cheap) talent. This strategy helped to fill the cupboards with young studs before, but we question whether it can work again. We figure it takes about five possible prospects to net one legit player. At this rate, the Jets will be back in contention about the same time Krispy Kreme becomes fashionable again.
LIBERALS
Predicted Finish: 13th
Out of the Gate:
Like their political namesake, this team has more problems than Stephan Dion has supporters…in the Conservative party! In the past, the once proud Liberals could always be counted on for having a solid wing corps, but even that aspect of the reds has disappeared. In 2007 they’re top scoring winger is Nicholai Zherdev…please, hold the applause. Buzz may blame injuries for his lot in life, but we’d prefer to blame it on lack of talent. I mean really…anyone who takes Todd Bertuzzi and Dustin Penner deserves everything they get! Once again, the folks in the Riv need to batten down the hatches; it’s going to be a long season.
Best Addition:
Brad Boyes is not a superstar, but he’s a solid young player that based on the Liberals current depth, should be protectable for a while. The Bruins never should have traded this guy to St. Louis, but the Blues and now the Liberals are the beneficiaries.
Worst Addition:
Todd Bertuzzi is about as smart as one of GM Leeson’s favourite smokies, so I’m not exactly sure what exists between his ears to get concussed. Regardless, paying $45M for this underperforming, injury proned, waste of space is like Leeson paying extra for a salad instead of fries. It just doesn’t make sense! Brian Burke gave Bertuzzi $8M as hush money over the Steve Moore affair, but what’s your excuse Buzz??!!
Disco Godfathers
Predicted Finish: 14th
The Big Picture:
It’s not that he had much to start with, but new GM/Owner Barry Willis is not exactly making a positive first impression. In fact, the words that come to my mind are, “Thanks for the donation.” Sorry Barry, we at the Picks don’t mince words when we see a team like this. Again, you didn’t have a lot to start with, and well, you still don’t. This collection of misfits is going nowhere fast, and you should thank your lucky stars that the Woo Foundation is still in this league, otherwise, you’d be the anchor of the 2007 season. Now, to be fair, there are some decent players sporting the Godfather sweater. Patrick Marleau used to be good, and Corey Perry is almost there. Ahh, don’t worry Barry, there’s always a grace period with a new franchise, and it’s not as is if your fan base has high expectations. Former owner Richie Stone had a never ending five year plan, and results that made Stu Jackson nauseous. Don’t worry, the season is almost over.
Best Addition:
Hmmmmm, I guess we would have to go with Andrew Cogliano. He’s no Patrick Kane, but he looks to be a bonafide NHLer who will be an Oiler and thus Godfather for a long time to come. Honorary mention goes to Colby Armstrong who…scratch that, 1 point in 15 games isn’t the best. Sorry.
Worst Addition:
…now, where were we. In last year’s free agent pool, Colby Armstrong went for $44M. At his current pace, he’ll maybe score 44 points sometime in Sidney Crosby’s last season. Seriously folks, this was a brutal pick. If Armstrong can’t score playing with Crosby, he’s in real tough shape. Honorary mention goes to Andy Greene from New Jersey. I’ve never heard of the guy, but with 4 points in 20 games he evidently sucks.
WOO FOUNDATION
Predicted Finish: DEAD LAST
The Big Picture:
Regardless of the season, it’s always a re-building year for the other Chilliwack franchise. Last year there seemed to be some hope with a decent crop of young players. But now, Foundation fans have only Ryan Getzlaf and Marc Savard to cheer for. I don’t mention Ray Whitney because he’s most certainly going to be dealt at the deadline for younger talent. The move of Whitney may actually be the key to the championship for one lucky team. Rumour has it that the Crunch are already circling around this veteran winger. Like blood in the water, every HHL team has their sites set on this wounded franchise. It’s barely breathing, and is an injury or two away from potentially being the worst team in HHL history.
Best Addition:
OK, Sam Gagner can play and is going to have to be part of the rebuilding plan in Sardis. Like his dad, Sam is no monster, but he’s got the old man’s hands and has already shown glimpses of greatness. Knowing Woo, he’ll recognize this potential and trade him for junk.
Worst Addition:
Wow, another team filled with options. An easy pick is Steve Sullivan who won’t even lace them up until December…at the earliest. Another easy one is Scott Walker. The odds of the Wild Thing staying healthy are about as good as GM Woo paying his league fees on time. Of all the crappy picks/signings however we hate Scott Niedermayer the most. When you have no depth to speak of, why waste a pick on a guy that is retired! Maybe if he comes back mid-season and commits to play next year, it’s not a bad pick…lord knows Marchand will have the available protection spots. If not, it’s yet another bad pick in a string of lousy selections by a GM that just can’t seem to get this pool figured out.
We at the Picks wish all GM’s, an enjoyable season full of strained groins, bad bounces, and bad luck.
Finis.