With most teams over 15 games into their 2008 campaigns, we’ve seen enough to throw our predictions to the wind and see what sticks. As always, we’ll make our best guess as to which HHL franchises will excel, and which will stink. And in the end, only one franchise will be awarded the David Livingstone Memorial Trophy.
While we certainly enjoy recognizing those GM’s who have appeared to make bold, positive moves leading into this season, we find it much more enjoyable to trash on those that have stumbled out of the gate. With no Woo Foundation to kick around anymore, we’ll have to find a new favourite pin cushion. Needless to say, our recent ownership additions have given us plenty of ammunition.
So, without further wasted ink, may we present, Rick’s Picks 2008.
Comox Crunch
Predicted Finish: 1st
The Big Picture:
After another victory in 2007 and three titles in the last four seasons, the question must be asked…is the Crunch now the HHL’s second dynasty? We think you need four titles to qualify but those can probably be over a 6-7 year period so the Crunch is definitely getting close. And as they say, the champ is the champ until someone knocks him down, and based on past performance, we see no reason why the Crunch shouldn’t occupy the top spot yet again. And besides, picking them to finish first brings the dreaded Rick’s Picks curse into play and the rest of the HHL needs all the help they can get!
Although many are off to a slow start this year, a core six that includes Alfredsson, Kovalchuk, Lidstrom, Thornton and Scott Niedermayer is a great start, but the supporting cast for this year’s group may be the thinnest in recent history with Mike Cammalleri being the only real legit supporter. The wing has holes, as does the center and goaltender positions, but the Crunch always seem to find a way to get it done, and this year may be no different.
Best Addition:
No question here, Mike Cammalleri was the best addition to the Crunch for 2008 and should be a solid contributor for the next several years. On the negative side, he has to be a huge contributor this year because with Phil Kessel, Jason Blake and Lee Stepniak filling out the 4-6 wing positions, Cammalleri must perform. By the way, who the hell is Lee Stepniak??
Worst Addition:
Don’t let the hot start fool you, Sergei Fedorov is going to disappear faster than Stephane Dion. He is nothing more than a solid third-line center now who will struggle to break the 50 point barrier. Andreas is usually solid on draft day, but one has to question his mental state after this horrid selection. Jason Blake gets an honourable mention as he is anticipated to be the first Maple Leaf in history to make over $200K for each goal scored.
The Dynasty
Predicted Finish: 2nd
The Big Picture:
Dynasty GM Rick Ramsbottom improved upon the best core six this franchise has had since the Mulroney administration by adding more depth up front with Patrick Marleau, Brandon Dubinksy and Cory Stillman, and another young workhorse on the back in Duncan Keith. Some of the returning veterans need to pick up the pace however if the Dynasty is to once again contend for a league championship. Martin St. Louis has started slower than Commissioner Livingstone in a 100-yard dash and Eric Staal seems lost without his trusted former linemates Justin Williams and Eric Cole. Ramsbottom has the horses to make another run, but is at least one good trade away from securing another banner in the rafters of Hooter’s Place.
Best Addition:
We’re going to flip a coin here. Brandon Dubinsky has started faster than Buzz at an open bar wedding. He’s trailed off lately, but if he can even reach the 65 point mark, he’ll be a huge late round selection. Patrick Marleau has also been hot out of the gates, and is reminding everyone of the promise this stud had prior to arrival of the coach formerly known as Ron Wilson.
Worst Addition:
No need to flip a coin here. Drew Stafford may break out one year, but it’s not going to be this year. He can score, but isn’t scoring, he’s fast but doesn’t seem to know where he’s going, and he’s big but doesn’t use his size for anything useful. Taking this stiff two years in a row is almost as bad as giving George W a second term.
Korean Assasins
Predicted Finish: 3rd
The Big Picture:
What do you do when you’re the worst GM in HHL history? You contract out your GM services of course and make no suggestions or requests whatsoever in terms of what should be done. The result, your team picks up JP Dumont and Jason Arnott for a song, signs Ray Whitney, and re-signs Saku Koivu for a buck. Now, I don’t think anyone is fooled into thinking this team is going to continue at its torrid pace, but the reality is, they’re not bad…and certainly much better than most of the crap we’ve had to wade through. Plus, with Roberto Luongo on pace for 70 shutouts, who knows how high this team can fly!
Best Addition:
There are a few players in the HHL that just don’t seem to get any respect…one Ray Whitney comes to mind. Over the past decade Whitney has done nothing but score, yet HHL GM’s seem to avoid him like Buzz avoids picking up the tip. Instead, teams would rather spend $75M for Miro Satan, $60M for Andrei Kostitsyn, $60M for Johnathan Cheechoo and $50M for Pavol Demitra…more on him later!
Worst Addition:
Sami Salo is off to a decent start, but you just know another bizarre injury is waiting for him just around the corner. He’ll break his leg getting out of the shower, fracture his jaw eating a blizzard, or of course, tear his grown on the plane. Measuring by points per game he’s great, but when you only play 50 games a year, he’s just not worth the risk.
Tri-City Flood
Predicted Finish: 4th
The Big Picture:
After an impressive 2nd place finish last season, the Flood seem to have fallen back to the pack in 2008. This is still a strong squad however that is on the bubble of the top tier teams out of the gate, and this without their best player, Alexander Ovechkin, doing a whole hell of a lot. Ovechkin won’t continue to suck, and we would be shocked if he doesn’t ramp up his production very, very soon…he’s just too good. The rest of the lineup is solid, yet unspectacular so if the Flood want to make a run at another title, a few deals will need to happen.
Best Addition:
Teemu Selanne broke into the league when many of us were still living in University dorm rooms. Despite Teemu being rather long in the tooth, the dude can still flat out play. His early performance more than merits the $70M of hard-earned Tri-City tax dollars the Flood threw his way in free agency, and another 40 goal, 80 point season seems to be a lock. A great pick-up.
Worst Addition:
The same cannot be said for Brendan Morrison however. Two measly points in his first 16 games just isn’t going to cut it. While Brendan is still a solid player, his days of being an above-average hockey pool pick are long, long gone. And really, Morrison may be one of the most overrated hockey pool centers of the past decade! While playing on the infamous West Coast Express, he only cracked the 70 point barrier once. If that was his high water mark, and he’s struggled to crack 50 the past three years, why would anyone choose to waste a pick on him?
Liberals
Predicted Finish: 5th
The Big Picture:
Like many, we are not fooled by the Liberals quick dash out of the gate. Their center corps is impressive with Marc Savard, Jason Spezza and Brad Boyes, but the talent drops off quickly after that. Marc Andre-Fleury is a capable netminder, but Pittsburgh just isn’t anywhere close to the team it was last year and thus, Fleury’s win total will suffer. Along the wing, Stephan Dion had more backbone than most of these flakes and I just don’t believe Zherdev, Bertuzzi, Satan and Ryder can be counted on. The back-end was decent until Kevin Bieksa got hurt, and now it’s clearly below average. We see a steady decline into the middle of the pack for this franchise and they will closely track the already deteriorating popularity of their namesake.
Best Addition:
Kevin Bieksa has quickly been taken off of Mike Gillis’ trade list due to amazing play in all ends of the rink. Now, in the world of the HHL, we could care less if he hits anyone and is minus 50, but thanks to his well-rounded game Bieksa will play 25 minutes a night and will be an anchor on the Canucks power-play. Look for a rebound year that matches his 42 point effort from 2006. (Note…Bieksa’s injury just prior to going to press had us re-thinking this pick, but as the next best option was Todd Bertuzzi, we decided to keep the selection as is! Bertuzzi will always suck no matter how many points he scores!)
Worst Addition:
It was quite enjoyable to see GM Kevin Leeson complain about having to match the $8M offer-sheet on young defencemen Matt Carle. After scoring only 3 points in his first 14 games, that extra $8M has become even more painful…or enjoyable depending on your point of view! At one point, Carle had all the promise in the world, but his value has slid more than Nortel stock and if he doesn’t stick in Philly, his career may be over.
The Spanish Bitches
Predicted Finish: 6th
While we like the high end talent the Bitches once again bring to the table in Marian Hossa, Dany Heatley, Alice Hemsky, Chris Pronger and Pavel Datsyuk, there are just too many big holes to fill for us to count this team amongst the leaders. We were once again disappointed in General Manager Jose Gomez-Garcia’s draft day performance as he was unable to surround his all-stars with any semblance of a reliable supporting cast. Jiri Hudler is the best of the rest along the wing, which means help is desperately needed. Kris Letang, Brent Burns and Jovo Cop should be doing so much better in support of Pronger, but together they have performed about as well as my RRSP. Derek Roy is a great player and should be able to pick up the pace after his slow start, but there’s no way Mikko Koivu will continue at this rate with zero talent to play with in Minnesota. Finally, this team has no goaltending! Ilya Bryzgalov will admirably stop more rubber than a Poco hooker (not the revision to this joke to reflect the move to the burbs), but will still not reach 80 points. Ditto for Cam Ward. This is another team that could go either way depending on injuries and performance over the next 30-40 games.
Best Addition:
The easy answer here would be Mikko Koivu but again, we don’t see this guy keeping up the torrid pace he has set over the first month. We’re choosing to go with another member of the Wild in Brent Burns. We’re not detered by the slow start to the season, and with young, offensive d-man about as hard to find as a member of the Stephan Dion fan club, we think Burns will contribute to the success of the Bitches for years to come. His 43 points last year was just the start for this back-end stud. A great signing…for the same price as Pavol Demitra!
Worst Addition:
No different than the stock market, the key is to sell when your asset is at the top of its/his value. The Crunch recognized this and let Special Ed Jovonovski walk for 50M in Spanish Lira. If you ignore last year’s 51 point effort, Jovo hasn’t cracked the 40 point barrier since the 2002-2003 season. The Crunch wisely let him sail for greener pastures, but promptly spent that money on Jay Bouwmeester! So much for buying low.
Rarr’s Rage
Predicted Finish: 7th
The Big Picture:
The problem with this kind of positioning for the Rage is that they can go either way…make a lopsided trade with a member of the Cranbrook Connection in hopes of snagging a title, or go the other way and dump like the Nasdaq. The high-end talent on this team is spectacular with Alex Semin, Danny Boyle, Olli Jokinen and Vinny Lecavalier. After this group of four, you can start rolling the dice. Keith Ballard is off to a great start in Florida, but with no real offensive history, we question his staying power. Lubo Visnovsky should be fine in Edmonton, and Mikka Kiprusoff will be adequate in net. After that, the talent falls off the table faster than our shares in Teck Cominco. Tomas Holmstrom, Bill Guerin, Rod Brind’Amour and Pavol Demitra are all well past their best before dates, and Chris Drury will never again be the scorer he was back in Colorado. Again, this team could go either way, and the direction GM Wilson chooses could be the difference maker in the HHL.
Best Addition:
Truth be told, we don’t like any of the players picked up by the Rage this year! GM Stew Wilson once again insulted the core group he entered the season with by adding sweet nothing to his play list. If we have to pick one we’ll take Keith Ballard only because of the hot start, but we still think he’ll be pressed to score 35 points. His one point in the month of November is simply a sign of things to come. Really, someone with this much computer knowledge should have been able to write some kind of software program to help him on draft day!
Worst Addition:
Oh, how we’ve been waiting for this one. With a move that reminded everyone in the room of a signing the Raiders Al Davis would have made, Wilson paid $50M for Pavol Demitra. Now, our good friend Pavol used to be quite the catch, but that was back when GM Wilson had more black hair than gray. It was to no one’s surprise when this flake got hurt after just six games, and we’re sure he will pull a myriad of soft-tissues between now and the end of the season. What a waste.
The Greeks
Predicted Finish: 8th
The Big Picture:
After the first draft of Rick’s Picks, we had the Greeks firmly in 10th place without much chance for parole. But after a second look, we decided to move this squad into the playoffs, albeit by the slimmest of margins. Our rationale was simple. So far this season, Rick Nash, Jason Pominville and Kimmo Timonen are all performing well below where they should be, and a turn around is more likely than not. We also recognized that for some bizarre reason, GM Homer Pringle selected to entrust his goaltending position with Ty Conklin…that’s like naming Sarah Palin as your running mate wonder why you didn’t win! With the exception of Tim Thomas, the available goaltenders coming up at re-draft time are very slim, but we still think this will create a rebound opportunity for the Greeks and a fighting chance to at least qualify for the playoffs. Besides, picking Kevlar or Chaos to make the playoffs was keeping us awake at night!
Best Addition:
Many “experts” felt Simon Gagne’s brain had been scrambled beyond all repair and would never even skate in the NHL again. Others felt that he might return, but was only games away from another knock-out blow. Everyone’s fingers are crossed that Gagne doesn’t have the same luck as former Flyer Eric Lindros, but in the meantime, he’s back and he’s scoring like Bill Clinton at an intern convention. Kudos to GM Pringle for taking a calculated risk on this guy because if he can stay healthy, he may be the best pick in the entire draft.
Worst Addition:
Now, while we commend the risk taking on Simon Gagne, we can’t begin to understand the selection of Ty Conklin. At best he is going to play 50% of Detroit’s games and taking a gamble on him would have been like investing your life saving’s in Lehman Brothers. Maybe the kids playing behind us on draft day messed with his focus, but if Gagne is the best pick of the draft, this may well be the worst…except of course for Taylor Pyatt!
Kevlar
Predicted Finish: 9th
The Big Picture:
If it wasn’t for Evgeni Malkin and Sidney Crosby, this franchise would be on the scrap heap. Fortunately for the Agassi faithful and GM Kevin Tyfting, Malkin and Crosby can cure many ills. We could start on the wing where Tyfting seems to have a problem with anyone under 30. Sorry, but Kariya, Kozlov, Naslund and Sykora is just not going to get it done. We could look to the defence…but if it wasn’t for Homer Pringer singing his praises for the past half-decade, would anyone have heard of Ron Hainsey??? Sadley, he’s the leader of Kevlar’s defence. Finally, Pascal Leclaire is the counting goaltender with a colossal 8 points. Herein lies the opportunity however…with so many holes to fill, the only way to go is up.
Best Additon:
Sadly, the aforementioned Ron Hainsey is likely the best of this sorry bunch. With Matthew “Older than God” Schneider already hurt, he’s the only thing resembling a power play quarter back on a pathetic Thrashers team…so by default, if pressed, we’ll take Hainsey. Speaking of the Thrashers, shouldn’t that franchise just be shot, contracted, or otherwise removed from the face of the earth?! If Bettman believes in that market so bad, he should be forced to watch this team play the next ten games…and pay for his ticket!
Worst Addtion:
Ahhh, many more options here. How about Ruslan Fedotenko, who despite the fact that he has never scored more than 41 points in any season, keeps getting picked in this damn pool! What the hell was GM Ecto thinking?? Even without doing any research, the hockey pool magazine would have at least shown the stats from the past 2-3 years. It’s like buying General Motors in the hopes that every automaker in Asia decides to start making counterfeit Olympic t-shirts instead of cars. Good luck with that pick Ecto.
Team Chaos
Predicted Finish: 10th
The Big Picture:
It’s a good thing GM Cole Reid purchased a majority stake in Chaos back in 2000. If he had simply been an employee, this guy would have been shown the door faster than the Quality Assurance Manager at Maple Leaf Foods. The minute you think Reid has finally got things figured out, he goes and drafts Taylor Pyatt…the same Taylor Pyatt who has never surpassed 37 points! Somewhere the hurting must stop for this franchise, but it will not be this year. Chaos fans reportedly put a hit out on Reid mid-way through the season last year, and this may finally be the year they catch up with him. Hint to Reid, look under your car the next time you start it.
Best Addition:
Sorry Cole, we’d prefer to pass on this question. I mean come on! How can you possible take so many bad players in the same year? We actually liked your selection of Wade Redden, betting on a turnaround with the high flying Rangers. Unfortunately, he’s continued to play softer than the US housing market and his time as a top flight offensive d-man is finally over.
Worst Addtion:
Too many options here. Normally, the above mentioned Pyatt would take the cake, but when you are also presented with options like Marek Svatos (5 points in 13 games), Marc-Andre Bergeron (4 in 13), Mike Fischer (5 in 12) and Antoine Vermette (4 in 14), it’s really like making fun of Stephan Dion. It’s just too easy. We’ll still take Pyatt though and he should go down as one of the worst picks in draft day history!
As in most seasons, the bottom five teams show little resemblance to the talent of the league’s top teams, and unfortunately, this year is no different…let’s be honest folks, the rest of the teams suck. The order really doesn’t matter and I wish they would all just save us the time and give us our money now. But, we promised to report on all teams so let’s get on with it.
Los Diablos
Predicted Finish: 11th
The Big Picture:
The HHL’s newest owner, Josh Pasnak, entered our league with a lot of hype, a bad name and an even worse logo. Worst of all, his lone reference was a guy whose new social circle leaves something to be desired. But what the hell, welcome to the league Josh, and as mentioned above, thank you for the donation. Now, let’s not be too harsh on young Josh. He did step up to the plate right out of the gate and swung for the fences with a big block-buster deal. Kudos to you for trying your best. But as Sean Connery once said, losers whine about doing their best, winners go home and @#$#@ the prom queen! Josh, you need to thank the hockey gods every morning that Patrick Sharp is scoring like he is, because without him, your deal that sent Marc Savard packing would have been a bomb. But Sharp is scoring, and if he can keep it up, the trade doesn’t look all that bad. Nathan Horton will hopefully find his scoring touch again this season, but I’m afraid that Nicklas Kronwall and Dustin Penner are road kill. So nice to see Penner repaying Kevin Lowe’s $5M/year contract with 4 points in his first 15 games!
Best Addition:
We’d officially like to pass on this section. Sorry Josh, I wouldn’t wish any of your picks our worst enemy…well, maybe Buzz.
Worst Addtion:
Ah, more like it. Marek Ziklicky’s 3 points in 9 games is a good option…note to Josh, Minnesota doesn’t score much and tends to be a team to avoid come hockey pool time. You’ve gotta love Matty Ohlund on your blue line but not your hockey pool blue line…not to Josh, hockey pools encourage points. Steve Bernier could be another option …note to Josh, three teams in two years tends not to be a good sign of a promising future.
Note to Josh…don’t take this personally, I rip everyone. Just wait til I get to the Godfather!
Mark Walli
Predicted Finish: 12th
The Big Picture:
How could this happen? The mastermind of all masterminds had more money than Warren Buffet, and at one time, had more young talent than the Earl’s on Broadway. Unfortunately, things only got worse in the last week when Martin Brodeur, the only goalie to ever man the net for the Jets, went down to injury for four months. With Brodeur out for most of the year, two early injuries to Daniel Briere, Henrik Zetterberg spinning his wheels in search of a new contract, and Zdeno Chara stumbling out of the gate with only 4 points in 14 games, things couldn’t get much worse. Wait a second, is that another Krispy Kreme closing…
Best Addition:
GM Mark Walli has long been known to cast his net far and wide in search of the next great talent. Devon Setoguchi didn’t appear to fit the mold of the next great hope, but the start to his season has been nothing short of miraculous. He’s almost at a point a game pace, and is clearly the only shining light for this former Manhattan magnate.
Worst Addition:
Adrian Aucoin has a big shot, but these days he couldn’t hit water if he fell off a boat. With only 4 points in his first 16 games GM Walli may wish to pull an Al Davis and fire Aucoin for cause…being shitty!
Barney Softcore
Predicted Finish: 13th
The Big Picture:
A quick note to all HHL General Managers. If you wish to win in this league, or hell, even finish in the top 10, don’t ask the Commissioner to pick your team. Even worse, don’t let the Commissioner pick your team with absolutely no direction whatsoever other than…”don’t spend too much on anybody.” What do you expect??!! In actuality, even with this lack or preparation or guidance the ‘Core isn’t that bad. A center corps of Andy McDonald, Paul Stastny and Nik Antropov isn’t going to light your hair on fire, but you could do worse. Speaking of worse, how about a wing corps that is led by Keith McChuk! Unfortunately, even a move to Virginia isn’t going to breath life into this once decent franchise. That being said, with inter-family marriages even higher in Virginia than they were in Alabama, “if you married your cousin, your kids get in free day” may have a great resurgence!
Best Addition:
Way to go Commish, you may not know who Dennis Wideman is, but he’s actually pretty decent and should be a solid #2 d-man this year behind Tomas Kaberle. As they say, even a blind squirrel occasionally finds a nut.
Worst Addition:
Commish, why didn’t you just let me stick Teddy with Radim Vrbata!! He wouldn’t have known any better, and everyone would have been happy.
Kurgens Killer Krew
Predicted Finish: 14th
The Big Picture:
After a promising second place finish in 2005/2006, the Krew fell back to earth last season finishing in 11th. This season won’t finish any better for the Krew as GM Mark Elliott has assembled a collection of stiffs more dull than a Liberal cocktail party. There is a scattering of talent across the roster in Patrick O’Sullivan, Brian Rafalski, Henrik Sedin and Niklas Backstrom but nothing to hold them together. Patrick Elias is a ghost of his former self and if he’s your top winger, you’re in more trouble than Stephen Harper at a Greenpeace convention. After Rafalski the entire defence corps is either hurt or sucks, and the remaining centers are very average/average including Daymond Langkow and Jordan Staal. The most interesting thing to watch for with this team is who they’re going to trade Rafalski to. By the way Mark, any word on how Radulov is enjoying Russia?
Best Addition:
There is absolutely no one that in conscience we can put in this paragraph. Everybody GM Elliott picked up sucks worse than the carbon tax.
Worst Addition:
Too many options and not enough time. We can’t believe Elliott was fooled by his performance in the last few weeks of last season, but hopefully this will put an end to the hockey pool career of one Sergei Samsonov. Paying the equivalent to the GDP of Belgium for Ryan Whitney is also a bit of a head scratcher, but I guess if you know you’re going to suck, waiting a year for him to hopefully get healthy is an acceptable strategy. Wouldn’t you just love to be a season ticket holder of the Krew??
Disco Godfathers
Predicted Finish: Dead Last
The Big Picture:
Like the Vancouver Grizzlies franchise, sometimes it just doesn’t matter who owns the team, and where they call home. This franchise seems destined to be a permanent floor mat to the rest of the HHL. With the exception of Corey Perry and Mike Green, this team doesn’t have one player we’d want to trade for. Robert Nilsson, Scott Hartnell, Ryan Malone, Johnathan Cheechoo, Tom Gilbert, Bryan McCabe, Jose Theodore…I mean give me a break. Who picked these guys, Jack Layton?? This is bordering on the worst team in HHL history, but lucky for GM Barry Willis, his predecessor set the bar so low he will never be able to equal the colossal incompetence displayed by Rich ‘Stu Jackson’ Stone.
Best Addition:
Please.
Worst Addition:
We could list everyone on the team in this paragraph, so instead let’s look at the worst subtraction from last year…with a team like this, how can you not match Patrick Marleau at only $48M? While Dynasty fans applaud your decision, Godfather fans definitely do not. You suck.
The End!