Rick’s Picks 2011
With all of the time demands this year, it’s going to be a shorter version of
the Picks, but we’ve still tried to give a good take on each of the teams in the
HHL. As always, some provide better
pin cushions than others, and we wanted to thank Chaos and Softcore for once
again providing such wonderful content.
Without further delay, may we present, Ricks Picks 2011.
Godfathers
Predicted Finish: 1st
Ok, it’s always easy to pick the front-runner, but it’s hard to argue with the
talent the Godfather has assembled.
Having finished just short of the title last year, the Godfathers have re-loaded
and are back with a vengeance! With
a less plump Phil Kessel, a revitalized Jamy Jagr, an ageless Teemu Selanne and
Martin St. Louis, and young studs Steven Stamkos and Jordan Eberle, the
G-Fathers have more talent up front than Pamela Anderson. The back-end however
is about as attractive as Commissioner Livingstone in a pair of Lululemons. With the devastating injury to Tobias
Enstrom, the G-Fathers d-corps needs more aid than Greece. Luckily, he has a new season of draft
picks to ship out the door, and Jonathan Quick should be good enough between the
pipes to help this team once-again challenge for the title. Welcome to the Rick’s Picks curse
Barry!
Tri-City Flood
Predicted Finish: 2nd
We’re not sold on some of the contributors to the Flood’s early success,
specifically Thomas’ Fleischman and Plekanec, but this squad has enough to make
a good run. Up front, Jamie Benn
looks to be the real deal and you know Alexander the Great will be good for at
least a point per game after all is said and done. Young Nugent-Hopkins is sure to fall
off as his Pringle-like body starts to break down, but you can’t argue with the
start…27 points in 25 games! Between
the pipes, King Henrik is off to a slow start as the Rangers still try to figure
out what time zone they’re in, but he’s one of the best hockey pool goalies
around so pen in 90+ points for him and let’s move on. The back needs help as Nick Lidstrom
is finally starting to show his age and Jack Johnson is once again proving he’s
not a scoring defenceman. Of the top two leaders, we like the G-Fathers.
Predicted Finish: 3rd
Dynasty GM Rick “The Bastard” Ramsbottom probably had the worst off-season in
franchise history. First he got
screwed out of young d-man Kevin Shattenkirk thanks to the never-ending list of
unwritten HHL rules, and a Commissioner with as much back bone as Neville
Chamberlain. Next up, he elects to
protect Alex Goligoski instead of Patrick Marleau, and finally, he actually
gives up a few bucks and a draft pick for Jimmy Howard…a goalie he could have
had on draft day for $2! Now that’s
an off-season that would make Mike Gillis proud.
In spite of this mess, the Dynasty still has some very good pieces in
place. Jimmy Howard, Eric Karlsson and Patrick Kane are off to great starts, and
Corey Perry and Mikko Koivu are starting to come around. Add in the late round steal of Vinny
Prospal and this team could once again challenge for a league title. The injury to Jeff Carter may have
killed that chance, or maybe presented a compelling trade situation down the
road…
The Greeks
Predicted Finish: 4th
It’s been a long while since we picked the Greeks to finish this high, but after
being shitty for the better part of a decade, Pringle has sucked his way into a
decent roster. James Neal has
evidently remembered how to score, and together with Jeff Skinner, Taylor Hall,
and Logan Couture, the Greeks have one of the best young core groups in the HHL. Add in steady if unspectacular vets
like Johan Franzen, Rick Nash and a resurgent Neon Dion Phaneuf, and the
Sunshine Coast killer actually looks like he knows what he’s doing. If he can get the Carolina twins Eric
Staal and Cam Ward going, this team could be trouble for everyone.
By the way, thanks for taking Alfredsson
before we could!
Rarr’s Rage
Predicted Finish: 5th
In an effort to somehow improve his historically disastrous draft day
performance, GM Stew Wilson banished himself to the dark reaches of British
Columbia’s wilderness. He set
himself up with a 26er of whiskey, a bucket of ice, and settled in for what he
hoped would be a successful night.
Unfortunately, geography and alcohol was of little help. Despite Claude Giroux being a
superstar in the making, Shea Weber being Shea Weber, and Stephen Weiss actually
scoring for a change, the rest of this team sucks like the Canucks in October. We absolutely love the fact that
Alexander Semin has started slower than sales on Italian 10-year bonds…couldn’t
happen to a nicer guy. In the end,
the Rage will battle for a playoff spot, and will likely finish somewhere
between here and 8th…unless of course he attempts to dump the farm!
Liberals
Predicted Finish: 6th
How the hell did we let this guy win our pool??!!
The fluke is over in 2011 however and there will be no repeat. Sure, Carey Price has stumbled out of
the gates like Homer Pringle in a 100-yard dash, but everyone else with talent
on this squad is performing at our beyond their potential…will Vanek continue at
better than a point a game pace?
Doubt it. Louie Eriksson? Nope. At least he has Grant Clitsome to
fill out the all-name team. GM Buzz Leeson is also fortunate that he did not
include Tyler Seguin in his deadline deals last year…he looks to have finally
broken through. Too little, too late
for the Buzz man however…fortunately for all of us! By the way, we want our keg you cheap
bastard!
Comox Crunch
Predicted Finish: 7th
No question, there is still some solid talent stocking the shelves in Comox. Kris Letang could be the best young
d-man in the league, and Jason Spezza seems to have re-discovered his scoring
touch. Joe Thornton, Danny Briere
and Tim Thomas may have their best days in the rear-view mirror but they can
still bring it, and help to round out the talent for this iconic HHL franchise. Unfortunately, everyone else is about
as inspiring as a Commission Livingstone tee-shot…it’s hard to get excited about
a 150-yard drive! Kimmo
Timonen, Steve Sullivan, Ryan Clowe and Drew Stafford are all now classic talent
traps for poolies…past or potential success abound, but unfortunately, each year
the result is the same. And let’s
not forget Ilya Kovalchuk. This guy
looks to be wearing the same concrete blocks around his skates that are oh so
fashionable in Jersey. If he keeps
this up, the Devils owner may want to arrange for Kovie to take a swim in the
Hudson with real concrete boots. By
the way, what the hell is the matter with Mike Green??? He’s proving to be about as durable
as Sami Salo.
Kevlar
Predicted Finish: 8th
Here’s our wild card pick! At the
time of writing, Kevlar is holding down the 13th position and looking
like the Columbus Blue Jackets on a bad night.
But here’s the thing. With
Patrick Sharp, Duncan Keith, Pekka Rinne and finally healthy superstars Evgeni
Malkin and Sidney Crosby, the high end talent on this team is better than almost
anyone in the HHL…save the Godfathers.
I’d pick these guys to squeak into the playoffs on Crosby alone! Unfortunately, as is always the case,
all is not roses in Agassiz and after the fab-five, the talent drops off faster
than Christy Clark’s cleavage. Chris
Kunitz, Tuomo Ruutu and Steve Downie are about as intimidating as meeting Homer
Pringle in a dark alley. Regardless, this team’s making the playoffs…mostly
because everyone else is so downright shitty!
Korean Assassins
Predicted Finish: 9th
May we introduce you to shitty team #1.
Michael Frolik, Jonathan Blum and Nathan Gerbe have about as much talent
as the Penthouse on a Tuesday night.
Seriously Teddy, you’ve been using too much of your product! Now, let’s be fair, some of the
roster is decent. The start by
Daniel Sedin is no surprise, but who saw Jason Pominville and Joe Pavelski
scoring at better than a point a game clip?! Alex
Edler has finally emerged as the consistent point producing d-man all Canucks
fans had hoped for, and…and…and…shit, you’re right, I should have picked them to
finish last…especially with Roberto Luongo reminding everyone of a modern day
Frank Caprice. The Professor strikes
again!
The Krew
Predicted Finish: 10th
I really don’t like this team, but they’re OK at most positions and at this
point, they’re like the last girl with all her teeth at the Skookumchuck New
Year’s Bash. Marian Gaborik, Dany
Heatley, and Simon Gagne are respectable on the wing I guess, but are about as
talented as the Greek Finance Minister.
The d-corps is OK, but with Sheldon Souray falling off the table after
his hot start, the group needs help.
Another area in need of a bail out is up the middle…outside of Henrik Sedin
there’s more talent on Dancing with the Stars.
Did Mark seriously think Brandon Dubinsky and Antoine Vermette were going
to cut it as counting centres? And
here we thought the guy actually knew what he was doing…nice to see Ilya
Bryzgalov pulling a Luongo in Philly.
Flyer fans will be pelting him with batteries in no time!
Spanish Bitches
Predicted Finish: 11th
The talent drops off even more after the Krew, and the first such example is the
former HHL Champion Bitches. Hey,
Anze Kopitar is definitely off to a nice start, and Tomas Vokoun should play
enough to rack up 80+ points, but it gets average in a hurry after that. Did the former GM super star actually
pick Brad Marchand, Brad Boyes, Michael Grabner AND Colin Wilson!! Jose, you used to be quite astute at
this hockey pool stuff, but now we’re left wondering if you’ve sat in on one too
many magic games with Stew and the Cranbrook Connection.
At least you took advantage of the
Commissioner’s robbery of Kevin Shattenkirk.
Walli’s Jets
Predicted Finish: 12th
Although he will probably never notice, or care, someone needs to advise Walli
LLP just how badly his stand-in did for him on draft day. Honestly, if put in a similar
position, I’m not sure if I would pick Buzz over Commissioner Livingstone! After Marc Andre-Fleury, Nicklas
Backstrom and Zdeno Chara, this team is about as attractive as Buzz in a speedo. When Shane Doan is your highest
scoring winger, and Erik Cole and some guy named Alexander Burmistrov are both
in your counting 11, you’ve got more problems than Research in Motion. Yet somehow, the Jets are actually
better than three other teams!
Barney Softcore
Predicted Finish: 13th
Another GM who took a new approach to draft day was Barney. He fired
Commissioner Livingstone and took the reigns himself. He actually read a few hockey
stories, and in the hours leading up to draft day, he was confident the tide
could be turned. All was pointing in
the right direction. Unfortunately,
outside of a brilliant gamble picking up Kris Versteeg, and a decent addition in
Justin Williams, this group is almost shamefully average. The coffin on the 2011/2012 season
was officially nailed shut when Hodgson tempted fate and selected Marco 2 pts in
23 games Sturm. Having Sturm grace your roster is about as lucky as having Tiger
Woods as your pitchman. The Sturm
curse lives and surely guarantees his retirement from both the NHL and HHL.
Los Diablos
Predicted Finish: 14th
When Dynasty GM Rick Ramsbottom was asked what the most concerning moment was
during the 2011 HHL Draft, he quickly replied, “bidding for the same players as
Los Diablos! No offence, but I sort of felt like former Ottawa GM John Muckler
trying to out-bid Mike Milbury for Alexei Yashin.” Can you believe someone
voluntarily chose to have Dustin Penner on their team! Now, to be fair to Diablos, there is
plenty of talent on this team and finishing this low would be shocking, but
unless Ryan Getzlaff, John Tavares, Ryan Miller and David Backes start scoring
like they should, this team will be going nowhere fast. It seems to be an annual comment
Diablos, but once again we say, thanks for the donation.
Chaos
Predicted Finish: Dead Last
This should be fun. Although Patrick
Marleau, Pavel Datsyuk and Jordan Staal are all scoring where they should be,
this team is still the anchor of the HHL.
Imagine how bad this team would be if GM Cole Reid didn’t pay the
equivalent of Portugal’s GDP to sign Marleau??!!
This team has more holes than former HHL GM Andrew Marchand’s credit
rating. And even those players with
legit resumes like Chris Pronger and Dan Boyle are powerless to overcome the
curse that is Chaos. The people of
Cranbrook, feeling powerless to do anything in the face of such incredible
incompetence, are taking a unique approach to the problem. Thousands have taken to the streets
in what they are calling the “Occupy Chaos” movement. Occupy protestors are promising to
camp out in the concourse of the Cranbrook Sportplex until Reid agrees to leave
town… and take his “team” with him!
Fini