1. Barney's Lunchbuckateers

With Teemu Selanne, Zigmund Palffy, and Mats Sundin, the Lunchbuckateers have three of the top forwards in the league. Throw Dominik Hasek into the mix and the gang from Mississippi is looking really tough. The 'teers are soft in the middle however (no pun intended) , so look for a major free agent signing, or mid-season trade. Expect the Lunchbuckateers to become the first team since the Colorado Avalanche to win a championship in the first year after moving to a new city. Although season ticket sales have been slow in the butter mama State, team Preseident and General Manager Barney Hodgson has promised numerous single game promotions to help in driving walk-up sales. Some promos currently in the mix include: Fish Fry night, $1 Bud nights, and 'If you married a relative, your spouse comes free night'.

2. The Dynasty

Winner of 4 of the last 7 Hamber Hockey League titles, the Dynasty is looking for another strong season. With Niklas Lidstrom and Sandis Ozolinsh on the blueline, the Dynasty has the best defencecorps in the league. At centre, Mike Modano was leading the league in scoring last season before suffering a serious knee injury. If Modano can score at last year's pace, and if Sakic returns to 90-100 point form, the Dynasty will be tough to beat. Chris Osgood will provide solid goaltending, but a complete lack of depth on the wing may prove to be this team's downfall. President and General Manager, Rick 'The Bastard' Ramsbottom is known for making big deals near the trading deadline if he's close to a title, and this year will be no different. Expect him to try and make a deal with his usual collection of bitches, the Woo Foundation, Kevlar, and the Korean Assassins. The team's lack of salary cap room, and dreadful financial record will create a number of problems however. Joe Sakic is already costing the Dynasty an estimated $67 million per season and it is doubtful Ramsbottom will look to add another high priced player. The team lost $30 million dollars last season, and the loyal Chilliwack fans will not stand for yet another ticket price increase.

3. Spanish Bitches

After a couple of questionable/shady trades last season, the Bitches are actually peaked to have a very strong 1998/99. With Jaromir Jagr and a healthy Paul Kariya leading the way up front, the potential for this team is unlimited. Alexei Yashin provides a competent centremen, and Theo Fleury will chip in with his guaranteed 70-80 points. If Jagr is traded to New York, as has been predicted, and if Fleury moves to a higher scoring team, the Bitches could make a serious challenge for the title. If these moves don't happen, and/or if Paul Kariya is unable to play, the team's lack of quality depth will be exposed. This past summer, the Bitches did not make any major changes, but by getting $10 million for the unwanted Alexei Kovalev, President and General Manager Jose Gomez-Garcia joined the list of GM's to swindle Teddy 'The Professor' Kim.

4. Stew's Studs

Last season's HHL champion will fall a bit from last year, but will still be a major force. Forsberg, Stumpel and Yzerman will provide consistent scoring up the middle, but the big question on everyone's mind is where and when will Pavel Bure be traded? Playing in small-market Skookamchuk, the Studs can't afford to continue paying Bure's hefty salary, and if it takes GM Stew Wilson more than a month to move the Rocket, the Stud's will be sunk. In regards to the Bure situation, Wilson has been quoted saying "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR, that $#%#$%$% RUSSIAN @#%$^$&^$&!!" With Eddy the Eagle only getting 3 pts for his shutouts, and with the Studs lack of cap room for signing free agents, they could fall even farther. This team will be good, but does not have the horses to challenge the big boys.

5. Homer's Heroes

The next few spots are wide open. We put the Greek at the top of this next grouping of teams because of the great young talent on the roster. Five players have legitimate chances to really break out this year. Jason Allison, Sergei Samsonov, Alexander Mogilny, Bryan Berard, and Jeff Friesen are all poised to take the next step, and if they do, Homer could be battling for a money spot. Unfortunately, Jason Allison is a hold out and Pringle is notoriously cheap on giving big contracts to young players. It's time Homer got off his wallet and gave this kid some serious jake. He's the real thing. Jeff Friesen and Doug Weight are also potential hold out problems. Luckily for the Heroes, President and General Manager Homer Pringle has a lot of money to spend this year, and he's going to need to sign some big free agents to guard against the hold out problems his young players may be in. Some GM's around the league have commented they don't think Pringle has what it takes to take this team to the top. "All he does is play golf," said one league source. "You've got to pay the price to win in this league and we think Pringle's just too soft (this time, pun is intened). Everytime we call to make a deal, he's out playing golf! " Another GM was quoted, " I hate golf. There's no fighting and I already know how to swing." We agree with the league GM's. The Heroes will be good, but when it really matters, they'll come up fat.......uh flat. In order to drive walk up sales, GM Pringle is planning on holding Fudgeeo night, perogee night, and bacon night.

6. Buzz's Bums

Yeah, as amazing as this sounds, we're predicting a big turnaround year for the round mound of .... Some great off-season moves have drastically improved this team's talent level, and although we have absolutely no faith in President and General Manager Buzz Leeson, the Bums could be the most improved team this year. Many of us at the Hockey News still feel he'll find some way to blow it, but the fact is, we just couldn't agree on a team that would finish ahead of the Bums. In addition to a decent talent pool that now consists of Brendan Shanahan, Jeremy Roenick, Rod Brind'Amour, and Nikky Khabibulin, the Bums have a large amount of cash available to fill some of the holes this team still has. Unlike in real life, Buzz will not pinch pennies to land one or two quality players. In addition, Leeson also added Sergie Fedorov to the mix in a last minute one-sided trade with, guess who, 'The Professor' Kim. "I liked Fedorov, he likes dating 16 year old girls and I admire and respect that," said Leeson. Watch the draft carefully though, if Buzz does his usual terrible job of drafting, this team could fall into the bottom third. In other news, Leeson has announced a reduction in the menu offered at Bums home games. Hot Dogs, hamburgers, beef on a bun and Koolaid will be the only items offered.

7. Walli's Jets

The Jets made a valiant rush at first last year, and if not for some serious injuries down the stretch, would have won the HHL going away. Unfortunately, in the process, President and General Manager Walli Treats Walli gutted his team of most of it's youth and will now have to survive on have beens and never beens. John Leclair and Martin Brodeur are the only players remaining still in their primes. Following the contract extension signed with Shayne Corson, many observers wondered if Walli had lost touch with reality and was simply looking forward to his next summer at the cottage. "He's old, he's shitty, he can't score, he can't skate, and now he's holding out for even more cash. The Winnipeg fans just can't figure out this Walli guy," cried one Jets fan. After this season, the city of Winnipeg may ask this team to follow the Jets to Phoenix. One insider has speculated that that may be exactly what Treats Walli wants. "Everybody knows the guy hates the winters in Winnipeg and loves lounging in the sun. He's trying to desimate this team to the point where fan support will fallbelow 50 fans per game at which time he can put out of his contract and move the team. Mark my words, the firesale has just begun!"

8. Kevlar

Former Champs Kevlar will once again lounge around the bottom half of the league. The talent level is decent with Brett Hull, Curtis Joseph, and Brian Leetch, but Kevlar General Manger Kevin 'Eth- Ecto-Skellie' Tyfting is just such a terrible drafter we can't put his team above number 8. He may back into a couple of good picks as he did in the Championship year, but the odds are he's going to pick half the Carolina Hurricaines team, two retired guys, and one point guard! This team has drafted so poorly they make the NHL's Canucks look brilliant. To add to this team's problems, the city of Agassiz has vetoed a proposal for a new rink. Kevlar will have to stay in their 1867 converted barn for at least another 10 years. On a ticketing note, tickets in the upwind section of the barn have once again been raised in price and are now 10 times the cost of those in the downwind section.

9 Dinosaur Neil

Peter Bondra isn't happy. Eric Lindros is only going to play 70 games, Mark Messier is well past his prime, and the honeymoon for Olie the Goalie is over. President and General Manager Neil Deguzman has done nothing to improve his hockey team over the summer. He may be the only GM in league history to actually come out on the losing side of a deal with 'The Professor' Kim. Somehow Kim swindled Mattias Ohlund out of Neil for Claude "He's not pretty he just looks that way" Lemieux. Another surprise was when Neil didn't trade Mike Richter before he became a free agent. Come on Neil, wake up a smell that starbuck's coffee.

10. Cole

Another team with a lot of potential that will be hurt by injuries and holdouts. Daniel Alfredsson is out for 8-10 weeks with a torn MCL, Saku Koivu is holding out for more cash, and Sami Kapanen has been hampered by a groin problem throughout training camp. President and GM Cole Reid was raked in the local Cranbrook media for selling off fan favorites Brendan Shanahan and Jeremy Roenick. If, as expected, the boys from the Brook stumble out of the gate, look for Reid to be the first GM to lose his job.

11. Woo Foundation

The Foundation is full of steady, but unspectacular players. Mark Recchi and Tony Amonte will provide adequate scoring on the wing, while the Bieser will get some points now that he's the man in Philly. Beyond that, this team doesn't have much. Nieudwendyk is hurt, Langenbrunner is unproven, and Tverdovsky's a flake. This is going to be a long year for this second Chilliwack franchise. The Chilliwack Progress has even gone so far as to say, the Foundation is like the Clippers to the Dynasty's Lakers. No matter how many free Andro and Creatine nights General Manager Marchand holds, no one is going to go and watch this team. Bush!!!

12. Mile High Canadians

What can we say about the team from Mile High? Adding Keith Tkachuk was a nice move, but he probably won't play until December. Scotty Niedermayer is one of the best young defenceman out there, but beyond that, this team is really weak. President and GM Rich Stone has some nice young players, but this team is at least 3 years away from competing. Stone has been quoted a number of times as saying, "We have a five year plan, and I'm not going to stray from that plan for a couple more points. The other expansion team in Campbell River has chosen to take a different appraoch acquiring older players, but we want players that have their best years ahead of them, and not behind them. Just call me Richie 'Stu' Stone." I hope the Calgary fans have as much patience as Stone because this team is going to be terrible for a long time to come.

13. Korean Assassins

No surprise here. The worst General Manager in Hockey Pool history will ensure this squad resides in the bottom 5 of any pool he enters. He had two great players at the beginning of the summer - Sergei Fedorov, and Sandis Ozolinsh. Both are now gone in favor of the stellar Keith Primeau, the boring Dmitri Khristich, and the holdout Rob Blake. He did get an extra $10 million in the Ozolinsh deal, but he promptly gave that away for the rights to Alexei Kovalev a player he ended up releasing. Professor Kim pulls a great deal in securing Mattias Ohlund, but promptly sends him to Buzz for what Keith Primeau and some extra money for buying the likes of Brad May and Ronny Stern. Folks, even though we stand a realistic shot of being gunned down in a drive-by shooting because of this report, the Assassins may finish a full 100 pts. behind the number 12 team.